things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
