Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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