Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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