then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
