Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
