did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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