I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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