Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
