....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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