Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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