is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
