honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
