I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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