You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
