I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
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