Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
