i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
