Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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