I hate all girls vehemently.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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