He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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