Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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