You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
