When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
