i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
