NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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