hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
