your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
