Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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