walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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