I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My ATM looks so different sober.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
