I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
