i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
