Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm at about main and main street
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
