Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
