Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
