I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
