My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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