Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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