I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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