I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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