glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
