Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
