good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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