We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
