1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
