last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
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