Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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