Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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