good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
