did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
