Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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