I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i've created a new STD.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
