I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
