I need help removing her.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
