Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
