I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
