and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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