omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
