Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
