On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
