I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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