hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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