Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
