i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
