My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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