i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
4 words: hood of his car
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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